A bit of manners is easy carried
How I See It with Denzil McDaniel • Published 15 Dec 2011 09:30
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There's a scene I remember from the 1960s film "The Graduate" in which Dustin Hoffman plays the character Benjamin Braddock, trapped into an affair with the wife of his father's business partner.
Anne Bancroft plays the saucy older woman, Mrs. Robinson, who arranges to met Benjamin in a hotel room.
In advance of the liaison, she asks him: "Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Er, er, well.." says the flustered younger man, "I want you to know how much I appreciate this...."
"No," says Mrs. Robinson. "The room number. I think you ought to tell me that."
Well at least Benjamin had the courtesy to show his appreciation. It seems such manners still have to be prompted today.
When the kids ask, can I have a biscuit, I find myself pretending to be deaf.
"Pardon?" I might say.
"Can I have a biscuit?" they repeat.
"Sorry, I didn't quite hear that. Have you forgotten something?"
"Can I have a biscuit, PLEASE" comes the magic answer.
And how many parents, bringing their children home from a friend's birthday party have to prompt, "And what do you say?"
You get grateful these days with a teenager's "Cheers" as a thank you.
But is this common courtesy stuff really all that important, or formality from a bygone age?
I think the lack of courtesy nowadays is a symptom of an age where we don't just respect each other.
We take things for granted in this age of "entitlement" when everybody thinks they should get the same as everyone else whether they deserve it or not.
I know people who give hours and hours of their time to benefit other people, and far from getting any thanks for it they just get abuse.
Worse still, I wince when I see some of the so-called comedy on television which is in bad taste and borders on the abuse of vulnerable people.
Jimmy Carr, not particularly funny at the best of times, made a sick joke recently about disabled children.
It seems to be an increasing trait that you have to shock to be funny, cynical to be edgy.
But offensive comedians aside, do we really have any kindness in our heart any more?
A few weeks ago, there was a case in England where a woman was trapped and in obvious distress. But a couple of senior fire officers refused to use a harness to help her because health and safety regulations said they were for staff only.
The woman died.
Then I read last week, that in London a paramedic arrived at a school and refused to pick up 14-year-old schoogirl Shannon Powell and carry her to the ambulance in case she would hurt her back.
Health and safety again.
And just this week, we hear that Easyjet refused to allow a blind woman board to flight to Belfast because her guide dog didn't have a passport!
Was it the Pharisees in the Bible who took such a limited view to parts of the law that they failed to recognise the Messiah. Or I think the elite Sadducees took a very literal and strict interpretation of the written law.
Where has all our compassion gone.
Out of the window with our good manners?
Rules are rules are they? The best pragmatic approach came from the Scottish prison officer, Mr. Mackay (pictured) in "Porridge."
"There are only two rules," he told Fletcher. "One, you obey all the rules. Two, there are no rules."
Just get on with it, eh.
God gave us a sense of humour, of course, and there's is nothing wrong with jokes that are a little on the edge.
We can use humour to break down barriers and we poke gentle fun at ourselves, so let's not get too "po-faced" as my mum used to say.
Being robust in your opinions, and expressing them accordingly is all right, too.
The odd grumpy riposte, I can forgive. And I'm not suggesting that we walk about with a false bonhomie.
Someone once said, if you can fake sincerity you've got it made. But, of course, you can't. Everyone would see through that.
This isn't Downton Abbey, with Carson saying: "Quite so, my Lord. Will that be all?"
But a bit of manners is easy carried, as I was once told.
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